Overheard in New York
You have to check out this website, Overheard in New York. It's freaking hilarious! I must warn you that you will get sucked in for the next hour of your life. Thanks Mom for the great link!
Hipster girl: You know, you really should try reading something with more substance... Like War and Peace.
Queer, flipping through fashion mag: 'Warm Piece'? Is that, like, porn?
Hipster girl: I said, War. And. Peace.
Queer: Okay, I'm not reading any magazine I've never even heard of.
Bimbette #1: So then I got a text from him this morning [shows friend text message]. I mean, who forgets if they have sex?
Bimbette #2: Haha... There's not even a 'hello' or punctuation... Just 'Did we have sex.'
Bimbette #1: I know!
Bimbette #2: Well, did you?
Bimbette #1: I'm not sure...
Student: So, I was wondering if I could know how I did on that presentation last week.
Professor: Oh, yes, yes -- you did wonderful!
Student: No, I mean, like, how did I do?
Professor: Wonderful. You did wonderful.
Student: So... Is that my grade?
Student: Great, now I have all zero's and a 'Wonderful.' I wonder what that averages out to.
Skinny model girl #1: Why is that line to the bathroom so long when no one is on that other line? Is the bathroom out of order?
Skinny model girl #2: Oh... Well, this bathroom has a table... So it's easier to do coke. But if you just have to pee, use the other one.
Skinny model girl #1: Oh, no, I'll just wait, then. Thanks.
Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?