Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Cry Legend

It's true what they say, that you can decipher the subtle differences in your child's crying to understand what they are trying to tell you long before they learn to talk.  Here is what I have learned so far.
  1. The "I just gashed my face because mommy sharpened my talons instead of trimming them" Cry. Recognized by an ear splitting wail out of the blue and a bloody scratch on the cheek.
  2. The "Soundless Puppy Dog Eyes that proceed a complete stomach purge".  No actual crying involved, but a pathetic, plaintive look just as an ungodly amount of curdled milk comes pouring out of you baby's mouth and nose..all over her...all over you...all over the kitchen floor.  Seriously, how did that all fit in her stomach?
  3. The "I don't care that you're driving FEED ME NOOOOOOOOOW!!1!" Cry.  Recognized by frantic, inconsolable wailing from the back seat that makes you feel like the worst freaking mother ever.  Because oh, you just had to get bagels from across town, didn't you. 
  4. The "omg....omg I'm alone why am I alone OMFG!" Cry.  Starts out with a hesitant whimper and gradually becomes more and more desperate.  Usually heard while you are in the bathroom or while you are up to your elbows in pie dough.
  5. The "My intestines are inflated like balloon animals" Cry.  This starts out as a frantic flailing of all four limbs in every imaginable direction while grunting out "Eh.....Eh.....Eh....WHAAAA!!!".  Internal accompaniment is a sound like percolating coffee and then wicked man-toots.  
  6. Lastly my personal favorite, The "Ow ow ow something is hurting me, mommy make it stop" Cry.  Dude.  Figure it out.
 Why does it hurt when I do this?
Why does it hurt when I do this?


At 10:43 AM, Blogger Christine said...

hahaha, I love the last one. It's like when Demon bites her tail, gets angry because it hurts, bites harder, and so on.

So how do you clean up a stomachload of milk? Paper towels? Mop? Wet-vac?

At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Jean-Paul D. said...


I'm loving this series of blogs; it's really bringing back memories. It even kinda makes me want another one ... for a second.

I also love the fact that you took the time to take pictures while Holly pulled her hair, makes you seem much more like an experienced mom than a new mom.

I don't know how serious you were about the "feed me now" making you feel like the worse mom ever, but you shouldn't feel like that. I can tell that you're doing a great job. ;)


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